I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
