I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
