Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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