You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
