maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
