in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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