Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
