If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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