Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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