You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
