I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
