someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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