Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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