The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
