we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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