I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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