i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
