I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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