I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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