remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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