I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
