the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
