dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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