Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
