Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
