Is it because I queefed?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
