he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
