Me too!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
