they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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