At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize