We won't sleep together?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
