Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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