He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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