I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
