this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
