Me too!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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