So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
