Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
