Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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