I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
