your thong is hanging out like whoa
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
