people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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