even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
