I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
