My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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