Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
