there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
