she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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