Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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