just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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