he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
