is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
