He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
