Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
