Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
