we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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