yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
