Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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