you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
