She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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