i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
