He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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