Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize