We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
