I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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