these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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