His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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