so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
