I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
