they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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