NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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