If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize