Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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