Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
