everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
